Then Change It

Last fall, I was in a fabulous gym routine. M-Th I’d wake up at 4:15 and be at the gym when it opened at 5:00. I’d get my half hour of lifting and half hour of cardio done before the sun was even up. Yes – waking up that early in inhumane; yes – going to bed at 9 pm qualifies me as an old lady. But my workouts got done and I didn’t have time to talk myself out of them.

Then I took 6 weeks off. For no apparent reason. First it was the week of Christmas, and I said I was giving myself a present. Then it was readjusting to work. Then it was super stressful at work. Then it was readjusting to being only partially employed. Then I got sick. Then it was a changing work schedule; my shifts and hours change at a moment’s notice. I wasn’t sure how I could get into a routine when I didn’t even know if I needed to be at work until that morning, nor did I know what time I’d need to leave.

One excuse after another.

But I went into this week with a newly registered-for race and a plan to get in shape. I hit the gym around 8 on Monday morning – along with most of the area. Here I thought on a day off it wouldn’t be super crowded so early. WRONG O. I instantly missed my early morning workouts; the quiet, dimly lit gym, the normal crowd who’s patterns I knew, and getting it all done before 6 am.

I accepted the fact that the only way to guarantee getting my workouts done was to get up at 4:15am regardless. I know that going super early will never interfere with my work schedule. And sure, there are days I may end up getting back from the gym at 6 am only to not have to work at all – but that’s ok, because at least my workout will be done.

Tuesday I was the 2nd car in the lot after dragging myself out of bed at that God awful time of day. This being my first time back since New Years, I expected to see at least a few new faces. I scanned the gym and saw some familiar ones – that group of three guys who share equipment, the girl who I’m fairly sure has an eating disorder, the few middle-aged men who put me to shame, the old guy who wears pj pants and reads his kindle while biking quietly for 25 minutes and then starts doing these crazy arm-windmills for the last 5, that chick who goes insane on the elliptical, the big guy with the tats, the little guy who does this weird crab-walk/spiderman – walk around the gym floor (no joke.) There were a few people missing too, like the guy I thought was watching me (but probably wasn’t), and notably the super cute tall guy I kind of want to watch me (but probably isn’t.)

I decided to only do 15 minutes of cardio (after 35 minutes of strength) because Tuesday is my two-a-day day, and I knew I had a run planned after work. I hate doing it, but my only other option is running on the treadmill at the gym for a majority of my training runs, and I don’t want my body to get used to that. I much prefer training outside. Believe me – I realize what a bad idea it is but I want to do this right and I have no choice.

Anyway. Back to the bike.

So while doing my bit of cardio, I looked around and took in some of the newer faces. And then I saw them.

Two newbies for sure. Everything about them screamed rookie. A smiley happy couple, comprised of a boy and girl probably mid 20s, decked out in brand new, matchy-matchy workout clothes. They tentatively came over to the mats while I was stretching and started doing whatever exercise they could think of (I left after the girl started doing squats while the boy just watched).

It sounds kind of sweet, right? You’re all probably judging me for being too judgey. But I left out the most important detail.

As soon as they started their bike warm up, the chick whipped out her iPhone and TOOK A PICTURE OF THE BOY. AND PROCEEDED TO POST IT TO FACEBOOK.

Listen, newbs, Gym Etiquette 101: no pictures. At 5 am, we’re not here to be cute, we’re not here to post about it on facebook and gather up “likes” and get attention; we’re here to work out. One of my first thoughts was that this chick is probably a HLBlogger, or trying to be. So ridiculous.

Anyway. I did the afternoon run, and believe me when I say it sucked in a good way. Luckily there was no sign of the happy couple during my early morning workout on Wednesday. There WAS a sighting of super cute tall boy, which threw me as I wasn’t expecting him. I may/may not have adapted my workout to exclude anything involving the tough-guy weights area (where I was supposed to do two different exercises using barbells) and completed them on an ab bench with dumbbells, far far away from him.

Listen, I’m not one for matchy-matchy gym clothes, cute hair, or makeup at the gym. I’m in a dingy, baggy, 15 year old tee and the same pants I’ve worn all week. Not the ideal situation for meeting Mr. Right.

That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t welcome interaction between us.

Initiated by him, obviously.

I got home at 6 and still didn’t know what the deal with work was, and started debating going for my run (this week and next I have two-a-days Tues/Wed just while I try and get back into running; once my training plan starts they will only be on Tuesdays). I ultimately decided to hold out until I knew my schedule, and ended up going out a bit after 9 since I didn’t have to be in till noon.

Getting my butt out the door is difficult enough as it is. Doing so after an hour long workout? Basically impossible. Every muscle in my legs is still screaming at me but no worries – I’m really not overdoing it, I’m just really out of shape.

With the exception of this week and next, my plan is set and not nearly as running – intensive as I thought. Going off Amy (and Melissa)’s suggestions, I went with Hal Higdon’s Novice 15 k plan.

Up until now I’ve been aiming for 5 runs a week, but this plan only calls for 3. I was concerned at first but my brother looked it over and explained that all of the cross training will counteract the smaller number of runs, as it will work on my endurance but not break my body down by running more than its ready for. Good enough for me.

I tweaked it a bit, but my basic schedule is as follows:

Monday – 30 minutes strength, 30 minutes low-intensity elliptical (to burn fat not calories)

Tuesday – 30 minutes strength, 20-30 minutes low-intensity bike, outdoor run per training plan.

Wednesday – 30 minutes strength, 30 – 45 (depending on plan) minutes high intensity cardio on (what I believe is called) an Arc machine?

Thursday – 30 minutes strength, 30 ish minutes easy run on treadmill. (no time for afternoon run; need to get it in).

Friday – complete and total blissful rest. And carb loading. Two of my favorite things.

Saturday – long run per schedule

Sunday – 30-60 minute swim (per plan) and yoga.

The last one, Sunday, is what makes me the most nervous of all. Both are super new to me, at least at the gym. Obviously I’ve been swimming in pools my whole life, and I’ve done yoga on exercise tv and the like, but never taken a class. I have a few lingering questions for anyone who wants to give them a go…

1) Swim – do you wear a swim cap or is that a mark of a rookie (much like the id lanyard is the mark of the college freshman). And this is going to sound really stupid, but does your hair still get wet?

2) Yoga – never taken a class – I have a mat and the right kind of clothes, but what can I expect? How do these things usually go? How long do they last?

3) What else do I need to know? How can I avoid looking like the obvious newbie in the pool and at yoga?

Alright – I’ve rambled more than enough for the day. Sometimes these posts are well thought out and deep – I had one in mind for today, actually. But my horoscope told me “keep personal thoughts private for the time being” (or something like that) so I’m going to hold off. My posts can’t all be winners and sometimes they’re just boring thoughts and recaps. Like today. I normally wouldn’t explain myself but I’ve had some new readers this week (heyyyyyyyyyy everyone!) and I don’t want them thinking this is the norm around these parts. I do much better when I draft on weekends, which I didn’t this time around (obvs), so you get what you get.

Sorry. Maybe next week.

Happy Lent, Catholics everywhere! (I’m assuming this is a Catholic – only thing, right? The whole 40 days of guilt and self-denial seems to go hand in hand with the nature of the religion, ha).

As of the time I’m writing this (Tuesday around 5 pm), I STILL don’t know what I’m giving up this year. Or rather, I should say I still don’t know what I’m DOING this year, because Lent isn’t just about giving something up.

I was just talking about this with one of my bests; when I think about things I can “give up”, there’s really nothing that strikes me as being anything other than shallow and self-serving. The point of Lent is to do something to get closer with your faith and with your Maker. It’s NOT to give up cookies.

I think it was Kelly who pointed out last year what was the phenomenon of being a catholic school girl in high school at Lent. It was all about giving up sweets and fats and carbs and soda and anything else unhealthy – essentially a glorified, God approved diet. I’m sure that had NOTHING to do with the fact that Lent usually led right up to Prom. Nothing at all.

My friends and I always saw pre-Lent out with a bang. We’d host a huge feast at lunch on Fat Tuesday at our lunch tables; the rule was nothing that was even remotely considered healthy. We’d pile the table with cupcakes and cookies and candy and then suffer through 2 more hours of belly-ache filled classes.

God I miss it.

So anyway, I’m a decade older and wiser now (not regarding the feast; if I worked with my friends I would have had one this year), and I see through every possible Lenten promise imaginable. Sure, I could give up sweets again, and it would be HARD. Trust me. I did it in 2008 – absolutely no sweets for 40+ day. But that wasn’t about a challenge, that was about my friend’s wedding and my Mexican cruise that year. And doing it this year would be more be for bathing suit season and prepping for my sister’s wedding.

I gave up Target and online shopping, but that would just be to fix my debt.

I gave up facebook stalking last year, but that’s to save my sanity.

So I don’t think I’m going to give anything up; I guess I’ll do more the “take something up” route, like praying a decade of the rosary daily or attending mass weekly (yes I’m serious. And don’t call me Shirley.) Maybe I’ll meditate. I heard somewhere it’s another form of communicating with the Higher Power.

I’m still open to ideas though.

One thing I know I’ll be doing today (Wed, whatever), is NOT eating meat. I will also NOT be fasting.

A quick religion lesson for you non-Caths, the rules of Lent are as follows:

1) Starts on Ash Wednesday. You must get ashes (at a church services; legit ashes in the shape of a cross on your forehead – to remind you that “you are dust and unto dust you shall return”; basically a mortality reminder), not eat meat, and fast.

2)No meat on Fridays.

3) Technically you can “break” your Lenten promises on Sundays. This is called a “dispensation”, aka freebie day. Us hardcore-ers don’t do this.

4)The Sunday before Easter is Palm Sunday. You go to Mass where they read a looooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg gospel. There is audience participation. You get palm sprigs blessed (and if you’re like my family, you put these behind the crucifixes that are above almost every doorway in the house). This officially begins Holy Week.

5)Ends on the Wednesday before Easter (again, not for me though – I keep my promise till midnight on Sunday).

6)Holy Thursday – optional for another Mass. Celebration of Jesus’s “last supper”, which is what we remember during communion each week.  I usually have to work this day.

7) Good Friday; considered one of the most sacred days of the year. Remembrance of Jesus’s hanging on the cross for 3 hours and dying. Again, mass is optional (back in the day pre vaticanII, like my mom’s childhood, they had to sit in church silent from 12-3.). No meat; again fasting.

8) Holy Saturday –nothing for most people. My family does mass that night because it’s when adults who are converting are officially baptized, and as my dad went through this in the 80s (he was born Lutheran), he still helps the team. Dubbed “Marathon Mass” it can take up to 2 hours – though its WAY shorter than it used to be. There used to be 8 readings alone, before all the sacraments. But I love this mass so much. The year my dad converted, my WHOLE family, cousins and all, came to mass. We stayed out well past midnight and everyone slept over at my house. Best Easter ever.

9) Easter Sunday – most people go to church, I get to sleep in because Saturday night counts. Eat a few reese’s eggs, breakfast of bagels, eggs, and bacon, then prep a feast of ham and sides for my family. Contrary to popular belief, it’s the most important of our holidays. The holiest of the holy days. NOT Christmas.

10) Pentecost – 50 days after Easter. Supposed to go to Mass. Don’t.

So there’s Lent for you; but I want to explain the “Fasting.” Those of you who have religions that call for serious fasts all year may be sympathetic – don’t be. Catholics totally cut corners fasting. It’s not sunset-sunset or all day no eating; it’s two smallish meals and one big one. So basically a normal day with no snacks or sweets. I can’t do it however, due to my medical situation. If I go too long without eating / don’t take in enough food, I get shaky quick.

I do abstain from meat though; and below is one option for something to cook up if you’re Catholic like me. It’s SO easy, SO healthy, and SO delicious. And SO meat free. Amy, even you can do this one, girl. I adapted a recipe I found here; changed the spices but kept the rest:

Easy Baked Greek Tilapia

Take 4 tilapia filets and place in prepared baking dish. Drizzle with 3 tbsp olive oil and juice of one lemon. Then I sprinkled with salt, pepper, and greek seasoning, and topped with a  little bit of feta. Cause why not?

Cover with foil. Bake at 400* 15-18 minutes or until fish is done. You can tell it’s done if it flakes. My rule with fish is “bake it till you flake it” (like fake it till you make it, ha). I then topped with more feta. Cause why not?

I served it with roasted potatoes (so easy; post that another time) and frozen broccoli that I cooked up quick. The fish is so low cal I had 1 1/2 portions guilt free.

This meal was spot on, and one I will default to often in Lent. I usually make the fish on Easter too, for non ham-eaters, because its so simple and quick!

Not too fishy, very light and flavorful. Maybe add a bit more feta.

Cause why not?

What are you doing for Lent? If you’re not Catholic, what would you do for Lent? And/or tell me a fun fact about your religion.

I’ve been feeling nostalgic lately, if you couldn’t tell. I mean, its not like I wrote two lengthy posts about how our childhoods will always be far superior to the one experienced by kids today.

It’s fun to look back at how much has changed in the world since we were little, but what’s even crazier is thinking about how much has changed just in the past few years – both in society, and in my own personal life.

What spawned all of this was my recent marathon of all things How I Met Your Mother (which, by the way, I am almost done – compete with season 7! Just two dvrd episodes to watch!) I didn’t expect to launch into a soul-searching trip down memory lane when I pushed play on episode one, but that’s what happened. Because right there, a few moments into episode one, the date “2005” popped up on screen.

As innocent as that sounds, it really got me thinking. This show started in 2005. At first this didn’t seem too long ago, but then I started to run through a list of things that happened to me in 2005 – to the person I was, the things I was doing, the technology I had, and the way I filled my days. I imagined what if would have been like if I had started watching this show from its debut; what would 2005 Kace have been like?

And oh my goodness, what a difference 7 years makes.

So, this week’s Top Ten list will come to you  in true Conan fashion. May I present to you – not predications for the year 2000, but a list of the ways my life was so insanely different just 2556 days ago (that would be a nice round 5 on the end were it not for that pesky leap year in 2008).

Top 10 Tuesdays: Ways My Life Was Different in 2005

In ascending order from least to most significant:

In the year 2000…and 5:

10) My iPod held 1000 songs, had no color, and looked like this:

9) Some songs on that iPod in 2005? According to Billboard, some of the top songs of the year were Hollback Girl, Gold Digger, Pon De Replay, Candy Shop, Drop it Like its Hot, and Don’t Cha. Music was a lot sluttier back then. Plus, Gwen Stefani was relevant, Rihanna was breaking onto the scene, and everyone though the Pussycat Dolls were had staying power. Two hits later…where are they now? Hello.

8) My cell phone was teeny tiny. I added my first ever texting plan over that summer, and was relegated to something like 150 texts/month. I had to use number keys to do so and quickly became able to text without even looking at my phone just by knowing how many taps on each number would get me my desired letter. (3 on 1 for c, 1 on 3 for g, you know the drill.)

7) I wasn’t really into reading books. I was going through a phase of not enjoying it. As such, things like Harry Potter and Twilight were not even in my lexicon – and neither series was complete at that point, anyway.

6) TV shows like HIMYM, Grey’s Anatomy, Weeds, and The Office made their debuts. Paris Hilton was still famous. Kim Kardashian was still an unknown. Brad and Jen and Jessica and Nick were going to be 2gether4ever. Essentially, the world was a smarter, safer place.

5) I was a junior in college, and starting my first semester at a new school due to having to transfer for personal reasons. The campus was full of people wearing popped collars (never did it), cuffed jeans (still do it sometimes), and smocked sundresses (miss it as it was a very forgiving look).

4) None of my friends or cousins were married, and only one friend even had a boyfriend. I had just turned 21 at the end of 2004, and the 05 year was when everyone else caught up with me, meaning lots of celebrations. However, I had a horrible social life- more on that in a bit. My friends obliged me with low key evenings and lots of time spent on the couch.

3) Facebook, a still new thing, still required a college email address to register. And your college had to be signed up in general – so it wasn’t until January 15, 2005 that I first logged on (I know this only because of the new Timeline feature). I had, like, 4 friends and found it very lame. I maintained that it would never be as cool as MySpace.

2) I was not at all interested in sports. This is the second most significant difference between now and then for me. Spectator sports are such a HUMONGEOUS part of my life now; I spend a disturbing majority of my free time getting far too invested in my teams. It wasn’t until November 15, 2005, that it all changed. Notre Dame vs. Tennessee….I was putting off writing a paper, sat down for the game with my brother, the Irish came back to win it, and my life was never the same. After college came pro, then baseball, then gambling, and now I’m pushing for hockey. But back then, I knew nothing of sports blogs, Mike and Mike in the Morning, third down conversions or ERAs. What on earth did I do when I was bored? What on earth did my dad and brother and I talk about? I truly can’t even wrap my head around it now.

1) And for the biggest, most significant and life-altering change: I still had a large intestine. My belly was scar-free, and my life was heading towards pure hell. 2005 was a huge turning point in my fight against UC, and it was then that I went to a seriously restricted diet and started taking any and all pills offered to me. I was 15-20 lbs lighter (with more lost every day), eating only protein and starchy foods, juggling 6 doctors, with blood levels that should have warranted transfusions and a “greyish-blue” complexion (I also tanned 3 months a year to appear healthier). I couldn’t go out like a normal person, and as the year went on, I went sicker. I ended a relationship and realized I wasn’t physically in a place to start a new one. I couldn’t go out with my friends and be a normal 21 year old. By the time 2006 was in view, I was taking 28 pills/supplements a day, going for IV Iron and Remicaide infusions 10x a year, wearing a baggy size 2 and exhausted all the time. Even on my luxury Caribbean cruise.

 

When I really think about how life was 7 years ago, it almost seems like it was a different life time. It’s a weird coincidence that HIMYM started this year and got me thinking, because looking back 2005 may have been one of the biggest years in my life. Sure in 06 I survived death and all, but it was 05 that laid all the groundwork.

It’s crazy to think of how some major areas of life still haven’t made much progress, like employment and marriage. What’s even crazier is how at the time, I was completely ignorant to everything that laid ahead of me and just how drastically altered things would be in just a few short months, and more in a few years.

I guess it just goes to show you that things really do happen when you least expect them, and these things that do happen do so for a reason. Even if you still don’t know at 28 what will happen next and why they will happen. Just trust that at some point everything will make sense.

Even if it takes 7 years and Netflix Instant Download to figure it all out.

What are some ways your life is different now than it was in 2005? I’m really interested in these answers!

…for this fab 3 day weekend. Guess what I did on Saturday and Sunday? I ran. Look at me go! Sticking to my training plan, and, even MORE fun, carb-loading with some everything bagels, smothered with either garden veggie or chive cream cheese, from my favorite local bagel shop. It’s been lovely. Goal for Monday am is an early gym workout, taking my car for an inspection, and getting some odds and ends done around here. Super exciting right?

WRONG. Super lame is more like it.

So with not much to report on, I planned on sharing a recipe, which I will below. This may be a recipe – heavy week, but that’s because I actually have a couple of posts that were time consuming and kind of exhausting to write. So I’m giving my brain a rest the other days. But believe me, these recipes are worth sharing.

Exxxactly.

But I didn’t want to leave you with just a recipe, cause that’s also lame; luckily, Kacy posted a set of those 11 questions – and they were good ones. And you ALL know how much I love talking about myself (don’t we all, though? Why else would we blog?), so here you go!

1. Because you all know I have a dirty mouth, I have to ask the James Lipton stand-by – What is your favorite curse word? I default to the s-word most of the time. You have to get me fired up to drop the f-bomb; usually this happens in the car. In Jersey.

2. Are you an adventurous eater? If so, what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten? Not really – I’d love to be, but I play it safe. I have a rule that I don’t eat any animal I may see in my back yard – living in the tree-heavy mid Atlantic  this rules out most woodland creatures, like deer, rabbit, goose, duck, and any other game. Plus with my stomach being what it is, I have to be careful. That’s not to say I’m picky – I’m probably a normal amount adventurous. I’m more adventurous in trying different cultural cuisines than actual weird foods. For example, I’m the only person in my family who’s big on Greek food, and the only who’s tried sushi. What can I say? We’re German Irish. Meat and potatoes.

3. What’s the one selfish, frivolous material item you would buy for yourself if money weren’t an issue? ONE? Either an iPad, a Burberry bag (BIG one, like luggage or a giant tote), or Phillies season tickets. The good Hall of Fame or Diamond Club ones. Depending on how much money I have to spend, I’d lean with the tix. Which sadly, still probably cost less than the Burberry luggage, haha.

4. Do you believe in heaven? If not, what do you think happens when we die? I do. It’s a hard concept at times but being a cradle Catholic, I can’t imagine it’s not there. Especially when I think about all of the people I’ve loved and lost. I believe our Spirits somehow stay connected to the world,too – I’m totally one of those who believes in signs from loved ones, being watched over.

5. What makes you the most uncomfortable? Christ, I’m miss socially awkward. I guess what makes me uncomfortable is either being the center of attention, especially if I don’t know the group too well, or – oddly enough – medical stuff. Not pertaining to me, obviously, but like surgical shows or horror stories.

6. What would you do if Facebook ceased to exist? Be honest. I admit I’m addicted. It’s disgusting how much I am on. But I think –after the shakes stopped – I’d be a little relieved. It does take a lot of the mystery out of life, and – perfect example – my 10 year high school reunion is coming up and I have no desire or reason to go because I know what everyone’s up too. I miss things like that. And I also feel pressure sometimes – looking at other people’s fabulous lives, babies, weddings, it makes me that much more aware of what I don’t have. It also means I’ll post the crap out of it when it happens to me. So I hope Facebook would disappear after that. I said I’d be honest!

7. What would you title your memoir? Scarred for Life. Seriously. But not necessarily in a bad way!

8. What is one thing you can’t help but judge people for? Again, ONE thing? Ha. Parenting skills. It’s ever present in my life right now and it’s one of the first things I look to with parents. Runner ups include grammar and company kept.

9. What’s one story you tell over and over? We all do it. Wow this is a really tough one…my friends and I have a few stories we tell a lot, but they’re fairly specific and I don’t want to put them on here for privacy reasons, ha. I’d be found out REAL quick if I mentioned just a few key words.

10. What are you doing this weekend? Not a thing, and excited about that. I did play in the kitchen a lot….see below.

11. If you had to trade lives with one of your friends, who would it be and why? I really thought about this one, and I don’t think there is ONE friend whom I’d trade with. There are little bits and pieces of each that I’d love to steal to make my life what I want it to be. One (actually two) have loving husbands, one a beautiful child, one a great job, one a great social life, one a full passport and consistent travel plans, one a perfect body, one a great attitude. I’d like to try a bit of them all, buffet style.

And now: Quick and Easy Chicken Parm.

I LOVE a classic Chicken Parm dish at any classic Italian restaurant. There is nothing better than that crispy fried outside, that succulent juicy inside, and that cheesey-sauce topping. It’s perfection on a dish.

It’s also eluded me in the kitchen for years. One thing I’m not great with is frying chicken; I never get it thin enough to cook evenly, and you don’t get that same fried taste by baking it in the oven. So one day, I got creative.

One of my go-to way of fixing a recipe that calls for pan fried chicken is to cut it into cubes. This ensures even and quick, yet thorough, cooking. So I figured why not try it with chicken parm?

So, I took a pound of chicken and cut it up.

Then did the flour – egg (I used two; could have used 3) – bread crumb dredging assembly line (in that order). I put some grated parm in with the breadcrumbs, which were Italian spice.

This got messy and was easily the most time consuming part of the process.

I heated some olive oil and fried the chicken until it was cooked through and gorgeously golden brown.

While that was cooking, I boiled up some angel hair pasta (super quick), and heated up some TJ’s Basil Marinara. It all cooked up beautifully and I even had time to lean over the counter reading from my Kindle while I waited. Then simply top the pasta with the sauce and chicken. Normally I throw some mozzarella on top right away so it melts – but I didn’t have any on hand, so I used more parm.

The result is as close to the real thing as it’s going to get…without me losing my mind. And I felt super proud of myself, because I never just “throw things together” and cook sans recipe, but for this I did. Now, all I did was tweak a simple one, but still…one small step for others – one giant leap in trusting my kitchen skills for me.

Tell me about yourself…answer one of Kacy’s questions below!

Is it just me, or are the things that motivate, inspire, and change you the most the things that happen almost by accident?

That’s quite a lead in, huh? On Thursday night, after finishing the last disaster that was book #5, I needed something new to read. Sure – I have all three Girl With The… books, as well as 5 Game of Thrones books. But I’m holding off on those.

I needed something to read, but didn’t want any of those just yet, because I SHOULD be getting a couple from the library soon, and I don’t want to get engrossed in a series only to have to read something else with a time limit (first world problems). So I switched on my Kindle and went to the 100 Books for $3.99 or Less category. I didn’t have high hopes, but that’s how I found Learn Me Good, so I thought maybe I’d luck out. I saw something that caught my eye, was less than $4 (the only way I let myself buy books), the reviews were stellar, and  it was delivered within seconds.

I’ve been in a personal-memoir-narrative kick lately, which is REALLY weird because it’s a literary genre I almost never touch. But the nonfiction has been a nice change of pace, and this last book was no exception.

I’m not changed because of it – despite my dramatic intro – but I am absolutely inspired and motivated and touched.  Not to oversell it, but it should be a frigging movie. Like Rudy and Miracle and Invincible, it’s about beating the odds, doing the impossible, small triumphs and the power of following your dreams despite the obstacles in your way.

I don’t want to get too into detail because I truly want you all to locate and read this book. It was that gripping. Around 200 pages, it was also a quick and easy read – I finished it in less than 24 hours. It was also THAT compelling that I didn’t want to put it down.

Was it wordy and verbose and filled with gimmicks about finding your passion and happiness in life? No (thank God). Was it whiny and pity seeking? Not in the least. It was a simply told story of a truly remarkable life, told by the man who lived it.

Reading about what he went through – being born with cerebral palsy, growing up in a time when there was little known about therapies, and all that he experienced – was just, unbelievable. Here is a man who was bullied his whole life for his physical limitations, who had to undergo painful therapies, who was in discomfort daily, and yet who NEVER QUIT. Truly, what didn’t kill him made him stronger – and led him to a successful career serving the US Navy.

So not only was he an inspiration, but a serviceman – so a hero.

This is a story I will think about when I just don’t *feel* like working out, when I dwell on my physical imperfections, when running is difficult, when I don’t get the results I want right away. It put a lot into perspective for me.

I believe we all have a story to tell in life – I like to think I’ve lived (and told!) mine already, but these stories are what make us who we are. And by sharing the really incredible ones, we can all learn and benefit and grow. I highly recommend you all reading this story, and I hope you are as moved by it as I was.

If not this was a MAJOR oversell. But I really don’t think you’ll feel that way.

After my failed attempt at a half marathon in September (I guess not a total fail, as I did cross that finish line in a (relatively) upright position), I decided I’d give myself a few weeks off to recover. I ended up back in the gym (for the first time in years) about a month later – doing strength and cardio, but no running.

That marathon messed up a lot about me, namely my hips and any semblance of running confidence. As such, my “few weeks off” from running ended up being about a 4 month hiatus. I was diligent with the gym from October – January, but then just stopped doing that as well.

Despite really not needing it, I gave myself another month off.

But in the end of January I was inspired! I started running again, then last Monday hit the gym ready to go.

Last Tuesday I got sick. Haven’t done anything since. I’m still coughing up green goo, and therefore I am giving myself a pass. No need for pneumonia – and with my immune system and being the medical anomaly I am, that’s what I’d get. So nothing for well over a week now.

This actually bothers me, for a few reasons. 1) I finally found some sort of motivation and it got squashed. 2) I had a chance to get into a routine this week, but again – can’t. and 3) I have big plans for myself, and a week + break in training was not an option.

It started innocently enough when I registered for my first 5k of the year (and in a year, actually.)

I ran the Phillies 5k last March as my first ever race. It was a decent course and a fun event and I even ran faster than I expected to (but not much). Since I promised to run 4 races this year, and beat the two PRs I have, I figured why not do this one again?

Yeah – the registration went up to $50. But the SWAG was decent, and this year we get medals! Even though I don’t advocate in “a trophy for everyone” in child teams sports, I fully support it in running.

So anyway, that’s March 31.

Then I had my eye on something bigger – something I meant to register for last year but somehow missed. And I promised myself I would not miss this year – setting phone alarms and being a site stalker all morning.

It took me almost 2 hours (my whole lunch and then some), and basically all of my patience as the site kept freezing (I’d get to a new page, then it’d freeze. Then we’d start over, I’d get one page further, and it’d freeze. UGH) and I had no idea I got in until the confirmation email. That was a pleasant surprise.

So now it’s game on. The race is May 6, and training starts now! (Or once I’m 24 hours sans green goo in my lungs).

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I’d be stupid to go into this feeling confident and thinking my I’d sail through this. Last time I trained for something like this, it really just sucked.

But last time I went into it naïve, ignorant, and just plain stupid.  I already know what I did wrong, and more importantly how to fix it. I’m doing a lot of things differently, including:

1)Training schedule. I didn’t really follow one last year – I ran two 2ish mile runs during the week and a long run on Saturdays. That’s it. This time I have a much more thorough plan that increases both weekly miles and long run mileage. I’ll be putting in a lot more quality time. There’s no place for speed or hills, but I’ll add them in.

2)Cross training. I think last time I walked two days a week and called it a day. This time I’ll do (moderate) lifting 4x ish a week, and do things like elliptical, bike, and maybe swimming and yoga to supplement, stretch, strengthen, and recover everything.

3)Form. I read a book about this after the fact and realized I did everything imaginable wrong. Now I’m working on midfoot strike, forward lean, straight posture, arm swing and other things that protect my joints and bones.

4)Recovery. Have foam roller, will use.

5)Fueling. I’m not using this as an excuse to eat whatever I want – I’m going to be way smarter about what I eat and when. Yes I’ll use it as an excuse every now and then (it’s all about moderation!) but I’ll also do better with putting good foods in. I’m going to look into some supplements as well.

I have a pace in mind I’d like to accomplish…nothing too ambitious, but nothing I’ve hit in a race yet.

So here we go again….let’s see if my big plans come to fruition for a change, or I pull a Kace and quit halfway through. I’m hoping for the former.

And even though I can’t start running just this second (hoping for Saturday), I’m still going to get a jump start on my training. Dinner tonight is one of my all time faves – Disneyland’s Chicken Fusilli Alfredo. Carb loading it is!

I ask this every time, but any help you can offer me?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!? ANYTHING??!?!!? How and when to foam roll? Links to diet plans for training? Favorite methods of cross training?

It’s kind of crazy to believe, especially since I’m STILL paying off my Christmas bills, but Lent is just around the corner. Ash Wednesday is a week from today! That means in just a week, us Catholics everywhere will need to find small vices to “give up” for 40 days.

I think of it as New Years Resolutions – attempt 2.  I still have NO idea what my Lenten promise will be, but I have time.

Of course, the OTHER side of Lent is the whole no-meat-on-Fridays deal. It seems like such a simple thing to do, but I swear it gets harder every year. That first Friday is always the worst because somehow we all forget and remember at that PRECISE moment I decide to bite into a big, juicy cheeseburger…

OK it’s never quite THAT dramatic.

As a kid I’m not quite sure what I did, because I didn’t like seafood. In fact, no one in my family liked seafood at that time, except my mom. So I imagine we ate a lot of pizza and PB & J those days. And maybe forced down a fish stick or two.

But with time my palate matured, and now I love me some fishies. I don’t remember when it happened; I *wanna* say senior year of high school, when I tried salmon at a friends WAY over the top graduation party. It was a downtown hotel, and we were served surf and turf, and the steak didn’t fill me up so I tried the salmon. A few weeks later I was on the Emerald Isle with my family, and filled up on fresh caught salmon and tried – for the first time – shrimp.

Or, as my kin on the homeland call them, PRAWNS.

Doesn’t it just sound fancier?

And I was again hooked.

But I NEVER, EVER attempted to cook it. It was one of those culinary no-nos (along with pie) that eluded me. A few times I tried to use frozen, pre-cooked shrimp, but that always tasted rubbery.

But still, the words “peel” and “deveined” kept me from trying the real thing.

Until recently. Filled with confidence, I finally tried using the real thing. I had a recipe I needed to try, and I put on my big girl pants (and lit a candle because raw shrimp smells nasty) and took the plunge.

The result? A delicious, creamy, buttery, flavorful, filling, and easy meal, that wasn’t too difficult, wasn’t too expensive, wasn’t too time consuming, but WAS too good. And safe for Lent.

Kace tested. Jesus approved.

Pampered Chef’s Shrimp and Orzo Skillet

Shrimp
8 oz large uncooked shrimp (21-25 per lb.)
1 Tb. veg. oil
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
1/8 tsp sugar
Orzo
8 oz. orzo pasta
1 garlic clove
2 cups chicken broth
1 cup clam juice
1 lemon
1 Tb. thinly sliced fresh mint
1 cup frozen peas
1 Tb. butter

1) For shrimp, peel and devein shrimp. Add oil to 10-in skillet; heat over med-high 1-3 minutes or until shimmering. As skillet hears, combine salt, pepper and sugar in small batter bowl; add shrimp and toss to coat.
2) Arrange shrimp in single layer over bottom of skillet and cook 1 minute or until 1 side is browned and edges are pink. Remove skillet from heat and turn shrimp over; let stand add. 30 seconds or until centers are opaque and shrimp is cooked through. Remove from skillet, set aside.
3) For orzo, in sale skillet, combine orzo, pressed garlic, broth and clam juice. Bring to a boil; cover and reduce heat to med-low. Cook 10-12 minutes or until orzo is cooked through.
4) As orzo cooks, zest lemon to measure 1 Tb zest; juice lemon to measure 1 Tb juice.
5) Remove skillet from heat and stir in peas, butter and lemon juice. arrange shrimp over orzo; cover and let stand 3-5 minutes or until heated through. Sprinkle with lemon zest and mint before serving.
*4 servings

Any good “Fridays in Lent” meals to share?

Hello, lovers, and a very Happy Valentine’s Day to you!

NOT!!!!!!!

Are you REALLY surprised that I’m not a Valentine’s girl? I’d hope you’d expect that from me by now. And yeah sure I guess the fact that I’ve spent the last few alone plays into that, but its really more the forced, greeting-card industry part that gets to me. I always have been like this and always will be like this. It’s almost like a cop-out for a bad boyfriend; I neglect chivalry 364 days a year but look – I got you flowers on February 14th!

Maybe it’s just me.

And yes – as I stated, I DO find myself sans Valentine this year (minus all of you, OBVIOUSLY.) I’m ok with it though. Like I said, I hate this day anyway – I’d prefer to get ready for a REAL holiday (St. Pat’s WHAT WHAT?). And this day is a giant slap in the face regarding my empty ring finger. I’m usually ok with being single as I do think it’s important for me to get my mind and my career in order right now, but again – 364 days of the year – acceptance. Then February 14th comes around and the frownie face appears.

So rather then wallow in self-pity for the next 24-36 hours, I’m going to focus on one thing that I know to be am pretty sure is true: I’m a catch.

Yeah, I said it. Some guy will be LUCKY to have me some day.

This is hard for me to wrap my head around, but I’m getting better at it. I may/may not have to repeat this to myself over and over when I get into my scary self-loathing place, but I think I’m making progress.I’m a great person and I shouldn’t settle for less, nor should I berate myself for not having anyone in my life who realizes it yet.

This is going to read as uncharacteristically confident, bordering on -no, make that incredibly- narcissistic. But sometimes we need to put fear of judgment and self-centered labels aside and try to see ourselves for the unique and amazing creatures we really are.

I’m being weird, right? I know. But sometimes even I get tired of walking around hating on myself. And most of this is exaggerated and said in jest. But you all know me well enough by now to get that!

Plus it’s all still true.

So, in the interest of keeping frownie- face at bay for the remainder of the day, I’m going to remind myself – and inform all of you – as to why I’d make the perfect wife.

Alright all you potential suitors: listen up and take a number. Also, please refer to last week’s list – if you are guilty of any of those items, need not apply.

Top Ten Tuesdays; Reasons I’m A Catch or; Why am I Alone Today? or; Men are Stupid.

10) Parents love me. This is actually very true – I’m awesome with mom and dad (especially mom, though). I’m well educated, love kids, come from good stock, Catholic, polite, well-spoken, helpful, respectful, and juuusssttt the right amount of a suck up. I don’t show up empty handed, I volunteer to do whatever is needed without being asked, and most importantly I don’t step on mom’s toes. I know how to play the game, and (like everything else in life) I do it well.

9) Speaking of, I love kids. Like, adore. And they seem to feel the same way about me. Multiple people have commented how I light up when I see the little ones and how at ease I am interacting with kids of all ages. I feel at home with a baby in my arms, I don’t scare easily regarding diapers and other bodily fluids, I’ve got child-bearing hips and highly maternal instinct. You want to create a legacy for yourself? I’m 100% on board.

8) But, if the idea of kids freak you out a little – fear not, cause I’m a control freak. This is actually advantageous for the you, because chances are I won’t let you do anything (because in my head I don’t think he can do it right and I’d rather do it myself). Again this applies to diapers, sickness, cleaning, the list goes on. Not just with kids, either. This applies to most household chores. I was totally THAT roommate at college who ended up cleaning everyone else’s dishes because the full sink freaked me out.

7)I’m also very domestic. I like keeping a nice house, putting a hot meal on the table, (the idea of) raising the children, cleaning, and keeping things organized. I have ideas for systems to put in place and ways to keep a tight, but efficient, ship running. And I really like being suzy homemaker sometimes (clearly I was born in the wrong era).  I only draw the line at laundry, but as a compromise, I’ll do mine and the kids’. You’ll just need to do your own.

6) I like my alone time. I’m not a clingy girlfriend at all. I need time and space just as much as you probably will. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy spending time with a guy, getting to know him and seeing different sides of him, but I can also be the boy. If a guy is coming on too strong it freaks me out. A clear example of this need would be my demand for a king-sized bed from day one of cohabitation. I can’t sleep right when sharing a smaller size with someone. Kace needs her space.

5) I don’t believe in talking about my feelings. I’m a bottle it up and change the subject kind of girl! If something is bothering me in our relationship I will put off that awkward conversation until the last possible second – then I’ll get through it quickly (like pulling off a band aid) and never bring it up again. None of this “where are we going” nonsense after the 2nd date. No need for “tell me more all your thoughts” (unless you want to). I may at times get angry and throw things and yell, but never directly at YOU. And anyway, isn’t that better than trying to share our emotions?  (*note – if something is really wrong and/or I am being treated poorly I do not hold my tongue or allow myself to be a pushover. This is more applicable to little, everyday stuff.)

4) I HATE Chick Flicks. Hard core. And the few that I guiltily admit to liking, I will NEVER make a you watch with me – that’s what my girls are for. You don’t want to sit through Twilight or the Notebook anymore than I want to sit through Predator or Rocky (and as a bonus point for me, I’ll gladly watch either of those!) So if you’re dating me, you never have to take me to see some schmaltzy, redundant, predictable 2 hour train wreck about boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back. You will NEVER ONCE have to watch anything featuring Chanum Tating, because I too find him to be unattractive, overrated, and just painful to watch. Hear that? No Chanum Tating. NEVER. EVER.

3) On the contrary, I love sports. Everything about them. All that time other girls are watching Hallmark and Lifetime original movies? I’m watching whatever’s in season. My TV is usually tuned to ESPN or Comcast Sports Net (OK, and E!….but I won’t make you watch that, either!) And I actually know what of I speak – I can get into a game and not ask a million incessant questions (luckily for my future husband, my brother and dad fielded all of those). I’m not going to make you take me to a Phillies game just to pretend to be drunk and talk about how hot Chase Utley is – I’m going to make you take me to a Phillies game and WATCH THE GAME. All summer, Phillies games. All Fall, football weekends – college on Sat, pro on Sun. As long as we can watch the Irish, we’ll be fine.

2) I love to be in the kitchen. Cooking and baking are two of my favorite ways to pass the time and unwind. And from what I’m told, I’m not half bad at either. In fact – I’m pretty great at both. So all those sporting events will be served with a side of chili, sausage and peppers, mac and cheese, and buffalo chicken anything. And that’s just one culinary genre – I also love trying different ethnic recipes like Mexican, Greek, and Italian, have a knack for American comfort food, and bake when I’m bored. Cookie dough truffles? Layered pumpkin cake with homemade cream cheese frosting? Oreo stuffed cookies? Red velvet cupcakes? Cake truffles? Brownie Batter cookies? Cinnamon rolls? You name it, I’ll make it. I’ll fight you for them too, though, because I’m a girl who believes in eating.

1) To sum up everything else not mentioned, I’m just plain awesome. I can hold my own with your boys, I’ll keep you on your toes, I’ll make you laugh, I’ll never cry, I act like a lady, and I won’t embarrass you – among everything else that falls under this “awesome” umbrella. Am I complicated and complex? Yes. But you’ll never be bored, and you’ll never think twice.

(was that last one a bit too much? I blame the sheer quantities of HIMYM I’ve been watching, and the fact that I want to marry Barney. Or just be a female version of him minus the philandering.)

One of my NY resolutions last year was to meet a boy who recognized all of this and was smart enough to realize he best snatch me up, quick. It didn’t happen. And as much as I can say I’m “focusing on my career” and “working on myself”, a lot of times I say those things as a way to trick fate into sending me someone pronto, like so often happens.

But I think I’m starting to mean it, though. I really do need to focus on my work right now, because getting married is not something promised to me, and I need to be able to support myself and also love what I’m doing. I’m also starting to see that no one needs to deal with my own personal demons except me, and that I should really work them out before I try to commit myself to someone else. I think a person needs to get to an independent place where he/she can stand on his/her own two feet – and doesn’t mind doing so – before they can really open themselves up to finding someone to stand next to…forever.

So why this self-congratulatory blabber? Because if everything my married cohorts tell me is true (and it is), then you need to love yourself first and foremost, and way before you can find someone else who will love you. If that’s the case (and it is), then I need to do things like this more often, because this was tough and I have a lot of work to do.

I’ll try not to do too much of that on here, though. You don’t need to be subjected to that, either : ).

Don’t leave me alone on the “I’m Awesome!” Island. Give me some reasons you’re an awesome girlfriend/wife/potential girlfriend or wife. Why should the boys be banging on your door?

So, when we last left off, I was complaining about how sick I felt and how much I hate it.

As an aside, I would rather have weeks of head and chest issues than a 12 hour stomach flu. NO CONTEST.

People kept telling me to go to the doctor, and I kept refusing. Because I knew I wasn’t sick enough to get any meds, and I knew I’d end up spending $30 to have them tell me it’s a virus and there’s nothing I can do but let it run its course. I promised if I spiked a fever or if it moved into my chest, I’d go.

Friday morning I woke up feeling the beginnings of chest congestion, but otherwise ok. However, I knew what would happen next – I wouldn’t go to the doctor, then feel like death all weekend, but have no way of getting drugs. This wouldn’t be such a big issue except I knew I  had a big week at work and I couldn’t be sick – not at all. Last Spring I had this same thing and the fine folks at the Walgreens Clinic (my doc wasn’t open; Friday afternoon) told me I waited too long, gave me a blessed ZPack, and the next morning I felt well enough to DD to a Brewfest and hang by the pool all day. So, this time around, knowing my body and what I had in my future, I made a quick sick visit.

I get this, whatever, usually once a year. It starts with a sore throat, then over the course of a week or two, moves to sinus pressure, then my nose becomes a faucet, then my head stuffs up entirely, then it moves into my chest – at which point it feels like someone is sitting on top of me. I have ZERO tolerance for this sensation, and turn into a miserable, miserable person.

(This also happens when my allergies act up in the summer; ask my friends about the “elephant” that shows up after bbqs and phillies games. Also why you find me laying flat on the floor wherever I am to get some relief.)

After 12-16 hours of wanting to rip into my ribcage and vacuum out the phlegm, the fun of coughing it all up begins. This lasts a day or two, the congestion clears, and a few days of a dry cough commences as a way to see the bug out. Usually morning coughing fits last about a week (without fail! 30 minutes after I wake up I launch into cough-filled hysterics).

And that’s how my body handles a sinus infection/URI.

And yet, this past Friday, after 45 minutes waiting for the doctor to show up, I got a “it’s a viral sinus infection. You’re a little bit sick, but not very sick.” My $30 got me a suggestion of a netti pot (NO. BLEEPING. WAY.) and a humidifier.

And yet, by Friday night, my chest was so tight and there was so much pressure that I could barely move. I didn’t sleep at all that night – despite two doses of NyQuil. I was coughing and hacking and blowing my nose well into 5:30 am, when my body quit and I slept a few hours. And the whole time (sidenote: is it just me, or are you at your most irrational in the middle of the night? I was sure I was dying) I was cursing that doctor for diagnosing me as “a little bit sick”.

A snowy Saturday morning, I made some pancakes and bacon to try to cheer me up, settled into watch the last of Season 6 of HIMYM on Netflix, and by 1….I felt better. Not great, still sick, but not nearly as awful as I had over night.

SOAB. The doctor was right.

The rest of the weekend was spent in sweats, doing little things to keep busy while seated, watching Say Yes to the Dress marathons, and then going through my disinfection routine. Still coughing a lot, still trying to pop my ears, but I’m definitely past the worst and should be ok for work this.

And yes – I realize it’s just a sinus infection, I’m overreacting, and I’m a baby.

So, maybe doctor knew best this time. However, I think I’m going to start doing what my aunt has been for years – hoarding ZPacks, just in case.

*

As a quick aside, the reason I didn’t post Friday is because I was a little freaked out. My page views jumped up, like, 300%. This for some reason still worries me. I think it says a lot about my personality – I write and want people to comment and read, and I’ve felt really comfortable in this quiet little group I’ve found, but then I have a day with hundreds more views than I’m used to and I retreat into my little turtle shell – an introvert at the core. I worry that people I know found this, I run over all my past posts to see if there is something I need to delete…I essentially go a little nutty. I’m not at all sure why.

So anyway, if you’re new here, please drop a comment and let me know! (Although based on the quality of this post, I’ll probably lose a lot of you anyway. Meh. They can’t all be winners.)

Well kids, I am officially sick.

Bleh.

It’s actually not all that bad yet – still the somehow simultaneously stuffy and runny nose, sinus pressure, dry, itchy eyes, ya know. I’m breathing exclusively out of my mouth and have a tissue box permanently attached to my side. But otherwise I’m doing ok – no fever, throat’s hanging on, chest still clear.

However, knowing my pattern of sickness, the throat and chest come next. So I’m taking it easy for now, and any guilt about not working out is quickly thwarted when I have to blow my nose for the umpteenth time that moment and fear pieces of my brain may actually come out.

What’s funny is that when I was dealing with a seriously debilitating digestive disease for five years, I went about life as normally as possible and complained only when pushed to my brink. But now? First sign of sniffles and you’d swear I was dying. I’m pathetically sitting here right now with my mouth wide open, eyes red and puffy, having trouble holding up my head. How quickly we forget.

It’s a running joke in my family that the men on my dad’s side do NOT do well with being sick. Whereas my mom’s side are stubborn and proud; my dad’s side is equally whiney and pity-seeking. This was first pointed out at my Grandfather’s funeral; my dad’s dad passed in ‘98 after a long bout with cancer (and funnily enough he fought it like a member of mom’s side, refusing to lie down and living two and a half years longer than doctors expected). But back to the funeral – all six grandkids spoke; most of us read a poem or a lyric that reminded us of our Grandpop. But then my brother went up and went off script, and launched into speech about how he’s in a better place, and it’s better for everyone “because as we all know there’s nothing worse than a sick (myreallastname) man.” It was the comic relief we all needed and has been quoted many times. (Are those crickets I hear? Guess you had to be there.) Anyway. When it comes to major diseases I’m all suffer-in-silence like  my momma, but with a common cold all daddy’s girl; miserable and annoying.

My congested brain doesn’t feel like doing much today – working turned out to be a not so great idea (I’m already calling it in for tomorrow –  I can’t function while sick), but fortunately I just finished another book; easy blog post!

And luckily for those of you who prefer me snarky and mean…..hated it!

One of my bests told me about this book way back in December – she was super stressed out about work and such, and saw it on the shelf, and suggested we all give it a shot. Of course, in true us fashion, she still hasn’t read it and I’m already finished. Maybe I should tell her to not waste her time.

This book was, in a word, pointless. There was no new information, no groundbreaking revelations, no real support or research to back it up – it was full of self-indulgent stories of a year spent trying to find “happiness” in the author’s life. She wants to enjoy more and find her small pleasures in life. So she spends her days organizing her apartment, playing with her kids, reading children’s literature and shopping – among other things.

Essentially? It’s an annoying healthy living blog (minus all the vegetarian agendas).

What they don’t tell you – and what a quick amazon review just did (followed up by google search, obviously) – is she married to a multimillionaire NYC lawyer or businessman or something – but dude was born into the world with a silver spoon in his mouth and has been swimming in his dollar bills ever since. She lives in a huge apartment and has a staff to clean it for her, she has nannies to watch her kids, and so essentially she has no reason to not be happy, except that phenomenon of rich people being the most miserable. This whole book really reminded me of a stupid project put forth by a HLBer (I’m sure we’re all thinking of the same one) as a way to talk more about herself, to indulge more in herself, to basically make things all about her her her.

In a nutshell.

So here’s what happened – she read a bunch of books from famous people about finding happiness, then regurgitated the information in a way that related back to her own boring and entitled life over and over again. She tells stories about how she found happiness and expects these mundane, unoriginal tasks to transform everyone else’s life. At some point she started a blog – and then for the next half of the book, at least half of each chapter was comments lifted right from her site. Way to do the work, lady.

Examples of these mind-blowing ideas of finding happiness? Cleaning out your closet, buying things you want without guilt, reading books you like, being silly with your kids, using a nicer tone when talking to your spouse, learning more about things that interest you, and laughing more frequently. I mean, REALLY? WOW.

In related news, the sky is blue, water is wet, and fire is hot.

Part of me hates being so nasty about this, but then part of me is SO FED UP with this narcissistic movement of privileged women doing simple, common sense things, writing them in a basic way that lacks style or wit, and then being lauded for it. And getting PUBLISHED for it. And then having MORE MONEY. I’d kill for a book deal! And I’d like to think with my unique life experiences and natural wit and intelligence (those last two subject for debate I guess),  I’ll be able to find one someday. Apparently all I have to do is marry filthy rich then try to find myself via snapfish photo books, using less criticism, and not yelling at my kids as much (actual examples from the book.)

This women apparently lives a dream life – wealthy, married, mother, writer – and she still wasn’t happy. Um, it’s called being spoiled rotten and bored with your perfect life, sweetie. And there’s an antidepressant for that.

Don’t bother with it…..if you want to be that unenlightened, that underwhelmed, and that simply annoyed, then click over to one of those “big” HLBs – for free. Thank goodness this was a library rent, cause if I had spent my hard earned $8.99 I woulda been super unhappy about it. I made it through about 200 pages before I skimmed over the rest.

Ironically, the woman talked about how one way she found happiness was in NOT finishing books she didn’t like (seriously. this is what she talked about). And here at that moment I was contemplating ditching HER book because it was so…dumb. But I stuck with it until the last chapter and then gave up. Maybe I did learn something from her, after all.

I clearly didn’t understand the section about criticizing people less, though. But it is making me feel oh so happy right now…

Also making me happy? Well, I’m wearing my favorite sweats, I have hot green tea steam unclogging my sinuses, fresh banana bread with melted butter, and big bang theory reruns on in the background. Even through my stuffed up nasal passages, I smell a best seller! Send me a book advance, publishing companies! If this chick can get away with it, so can I.

What’s the worst book you’ve read recently?

Are you a suffer-in-silence sickie, or an everyone-pity-me-cough-cough-I’m-sick-attention-seeking-sickie? I’m both, depending on the severity of the ailment.